Nerd Rage: Spider-Man the Devil’s Plaything.

I’m Angry. It’s rage of the nerdy variety. In fact, I would go as far as to say this is the purest form of nerd rage I’ve ever felt, and it can be summarized in seven words: Spider-Man sold his marriage to the devil.

For those of you not familiar with the story line: Spider-Man unmasked himself during the superhero civil war, to show his support for the pro registration side. He switches sides, and goes on the run. Because the world knows his identity, the Kingpin targets Peter Parker for assassination. Aunt May takes the bullet for him and slips into a coma. No one can help her, including Mr. Fantastic, Iron Man, Dr. Strange, and even villains like Doc Ock and Dr. Doom.  He’s then approached by Mephisto, who is basically the devil of the Marvel Universe. Mephisto’s greatest hits include, bargaining for Johny Blaze’s soul to create the Ghost Rider, stealing the soul of Cythia Von Doom (Dr. Doom’s Mother), attempting to steal the soul of the Silver Surfer, and Thor. Mephisto is one of the greatest evil forces in the Marvel Universe. It’s an easy guess that he’s willing to trade Spider-Man’s soul for Aunt May’s life. Instead he wants to blank Spider-Man and Mary Jane’s marriage from history.

"I want your Love. I want your Marriage"

I hoped there was no way our loving young couple would say yes. They’d find a way out besides a literal deal with the devil. I wanted Spidey to beat the devil at his own game. I would have ended up kinda cool. Instead they agree.

Unfortunate Implications:

So our hero took the deal. He and his wife’s wedded bliss were wiped from continuity. The reboot sets Spider-Man to his bachelor days. So in the “Brand New Day” any of the consequences and responsibility Spider-Man would have to assume are gone. A psycic blind spot has blanketed the world so no one remembers Peter Parker’s double life. Aunt May is alive and well, but now he’s mooching off of her. Instead of being responsible and monogamous he’s had drunken sex with a girl, and masked kinky sex with the Black Cat. Additionally he has trouble committing to new girlfriend named Carlie Cooper. Honestly this makes me think more of Charlie Sheen not Peter Parker. The biggest problem is that Spider-Man never has to deal with the responsibility of his actions during the civil war. He revealed his identity and then became a turn coat. He betrayed friends and placed his family in jeopardy. He made a deal with the devil so he wouldn’t have to deal with guilt.  No penance or redemption were required. Instead of doing the right thing he took the selfish way out. When else did this happen… oh yea his origin story.

My Advice: (Of course I know better than everyone else ;-P )

It would have been so epic to see the relatively mortal Spider-Man reject the devil’s temptation. In one comic Mephisto tempts the X-Man Nightcrawler. In exchange for the hero abstaining from the coming demonic battle Mephisto offers to restore Nightcrawler’s brother to life, and  protect his family, friends and loved ones. Nightcrawler’s response is appropriate. Why couldn’t Spider-Man do the same?

Take Notes Spidey

So missed opportunity. What now? As much as I would like to see a cosmic reset switch, it would be hypocritical of me to say that someone should snap their fingers and return the previous status quo. That’s what got us into this mess. I want to see Spider-Man and Mary Jane pay for their decision. They don’t remember the deal, but they should feel like something is wrong. If they realize what’s amiss I want them to  work to redeem themselves. They are now star crossed lovers held apart by supernatural forces. They have to fight for their love, and such a tale could be truly amazing and even Dante-esq.

I want to  know why Mephisto made this deal. He said that their love was good and pure and erasing their marriage would leave a small part of their souls to suffer forever. This is lame. Why ask for a small part of their soul when he usually asks for the whole thing. Mephisto is now Spider-Man’s enemy. What if he made this deal because Mary Jane would stop Spider-Man from going down the wrong path. Now Spider-Man starts getting darker without Mary Jane to keep him on the strait and narrow. An evil Spidey could be very useful for the ruler of the damned. Or what if in the future Mary Jane and Spider-Man’s children defeat Mephisto in an apocalyptic battle. What does Ghost Rider or Dr. Strange have to say about this? They usually care when mortals make Faustian deals.

I hate it when stories are written like this. It wasn’t printed because someone had an interesting tale to tell. The devil’s deal came from the editorial mandate to undo Spider-Man’s marriage. It’s not an actual story but a status quo change shoehorned into continuity. Spider-Man was my favorite superhero growing up, but no longer. Heroes are supposed to fight for their love. Heroes are supposed to reject evil. Metaphorical tales of death and rebirth are the core of the mythic journey. Even if a hero fails or strays, he’s supposed to fight back. Spider-Man hasn’t. He’s forgotten he loves Mary Jane, and worked with a satanic force and is shown to be better off for it. Not cool Marvel. Not Cool.

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